Yeayy...

Yeeayyy… another 20 odd hours to go before I could board on the plane that’s gonna fly me back to kl. HERE I COME KUALA LUMPUR !!!!!

At least, for the rest of the week, I’ll not have to think about my work here. You know what? Life does feel better, when you don’t have to think about work all the time. It’s like detaching yourself from it….. You know what I mean. Oohhh it’s gonna be so liberating.

However, after this much sought after one week break, I’ll still end up in where I belong, the rainforest of Borneo. That will definitely give me sense of clarity that my life has to start over again. An intuition to start everything new, with New Year’s resolution to make, to prioritize my life and also to always remember to stand firm on my feet.

Okay, I guess this is gonna be my last post for this week and next week since I am going off tomorrow. Not that I don’t have access to the internet, but I think I am definitely going to be very busy doing stuffs at home… ha ha

So guys…See y'all in next year!!!

Till then, the best of luck and Happy New Year 2006.

oh my god is it that time of the year already?

Ho...Ho...ho....
have you guys been good boys this year ???

Here,
I would like thank you guys for the kindness
and the friendship that all of you have bestowed on me throughout this year.
I appreciate all of your friendship more than you know.
My wish for all of you is may this holiday season
be filled with peace and contentment for all.
Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year too.....

.......and to my Darling
i am so glad that i'll be spending christmas with you once again,
it’s the best gift ever for me to be with you on christmas.
my only christmas wish is that
we both will have many, many more years of spending
christmas together.

"Merry Christmas to you and
may all your dreams com true."
I love You.....

mee too....

Him ~ Don't worry!

I'm ok. Just can't wait for another 2 days more to see u.

I didn't sleep well these few days even though

I tried counting the stars...

hopefully when u r back

i will be able to hv a good sleep beside you.

Darling...

i'll definitely sleep like a pig at home.....

there's just no better place than being at home,

a home that stored many happy memories of us together !!!

It's okay....

I guess the trauma and the difficult time had left me feeling angry and quite emotioanal last night and I might have expressed it inappropriately. It’s so silly for the both of us to even go over the top on this.

"Stop making a big issue of It okay darling ... ?"

Brokeback Mountain

"it was a friendship....
that became a secret...
there are places that we can't return ...
there are lies we have to tell ...
there are truth we can't deny."

Yo guys... check this movie out. It's an epic love story between 2 cowboys Jack Twist (Jake Gyllenhaal) and Ennis Del Mar (Heath Ledger) hired to herd sheep on Wyoming’s Brokeback Mountain. But neither anticipates having a romantic relationship with the other. When their boss (Randy Quaid) discovers their secret, the 2 abruptly ends their herding season. The 2 come down from the mountain denying their feelings for each other and head their separate ways. Both marry, have children and pursue the more traditional life that’s socially accepted, but a postcard from Twist in Texas to Del Mar in Wyoming reconnects the two and starts a 20-year homosexual relationship that they hide under the guise of fishing trips to Brokeback Mountain.

And the full website for Brokeback Mountain is open. You see their movies traile here. Click HERE to view.

i am sorry.

"i am so sorry...."
"i am so sorry.. ." "i am so sorry...."

i am sorry.. .." "i am sorry"

"i am so sorry......"

"i am so sorry... " i am so sorry.........."

"i am sorry......"

"i am sorry.............."

"i am sorry............"

"i am sorry..... " "i am so sorry..."

i am so sorry... darling. words cannot express my feelings in my heart. i know i said something that hurt your feeling ,something incredibly dumb.

it was yesterday night.

i must admit that i have been too oblivian, not thinking of your feelings and i have been too focused on my daily task here. i know there is no excuse for my behavior, and all i can do now is say "i am sorry" to take the hurt you felt from my ignorance. but, i can't say that i might never do it again.let's face it - I get carried away a lot..... you know what i mean ?? (ps : please don't be too over sensitive as well ?? promise ?)

anyway, thanks for not giving up on me and be the only strength for me to carry on here. also, here's big fat hug and kiss for putting up with me and i promise that i'll not let any anger, sadness and my stupidity from causing anymore harm in us.

Give me a reason.....

Gimme a reason....

Why I'm feeling so blue ,

Everytime I close my eyes,

all I see is you ,

Gimme a reason ....

17th December 2005

and time can do so much...

it's been over a month now..... the day i left you exactly a month ago, and i missed you so much.


Time goes by so slowly for those who wait....

No time to hesitate....

Those who run seem to have all the fun.

I'm caught up...

I don't know what to do...

Bad dreams.....

i went to bed quite early last nite after speaking to my darling over the phone. ealier, i had been doing allot of thinking about my future here in borneo and i was actually feeling abit angry and depressed deep inside. the more ithought about it, the more anxious i became.

Well, for some reason, my unconscious mind decided to wake me up by a terrible dream in the middle of the nite. Apparently, i was being chased by allot of people, and the chase just seems eternity...... i just kept on running away from them, and they just kept on chasing. i remembered i trumbled a few times, but i just kept on running, it was terrifying, just terrifying feeling.

all of the sudden, i just felt so vulnerable, all alone in the middle of the nite. i decided to call my darling. i just felt so relieved after hearing his comforting voice at the other end. i am so used to having bad dreams from time to time, but i remembered that evertime i had bad dreams, my darling always be by my side hugging me tight, comforting me, and it'll be dosing off to sleep in no time knowing that it's just a dream. but this time, i was so scared, i started to cry..... i just felt so lonely, insecure and depressed.

Together... forever.....

work... work... and more work...

Dammit .... ever since i was back to my work here, i was flooded with loads and loads of work to be done. hey... i thought i finished all my work b4 i left kl ?? hmmm..... i guess it's a good thing for me to keep myself busy at work rather than doing nothing at all (at least i won't be yawning all the time in the office and knowing there's still unfinished work for me to the next day will definitely keep my boring life going here)

Okay... work eased off a bit today because I finished a boat load yesterday. however, i was yet again attacked by a whole new bus load of work before i left office. sighh......

I dragged myself outta bed this morning to go to work. i have not not been sleeping well these few day, its worrying that i still depend allot on my tranquillizer pills to calm me down and get me to sleep at night. its really terrifying not being able to sleep at night especially when i am all alone in my room - when this happen, i always stare hard at the ceiling, not a wink of sleep, and worried sick about the fact that I am all alone in this entire world. i think i am going crazy.....

a message from him....

Tomorrow will be my sad day again, cos u will be leaving back to Borneo after spending a week with me. I noticed you are not at yr usual mood today, perhaps felt sad to leave me and be back to yr isolated place...so do I.

Darling! I must say I really enjoyed and happy being with u this whole week, spending quality time together, shopping, dine, watch movies etc .....do things like we used to do before! (tks darling) and I cant wait for tis to happen again in two more weeks time,(before X'mas) !! I cried and could not sleep tonite even though am bit tired...stared at yr cute, baby, handsome face (heehe) and just cant help thinking about u leaving me again.

Promised you i will be strong and take care of myself OK! afterall its only two weeks and we shall have our time together again ! U too have to take care of yrself and remember to drink more water and smoke less....

Oh yeah ! Compliment to u darling cos i noticed you had changed yr attitude a bit being patience and tolerate towards tis old mancho man...hahaha......love u !!!!!

Your Darling....
12:36 AM


yeayyy... for the very first time, my darling has written his sincere comment here. i was actually very touched by what he has written for me. at least, i know that he is reading my blog..

my dearest...

thanks for the compliments darling. being apart with u has given me a chance to fall in love with u all over again. i've also learn to appreciate even the slightest things around me.i was shocked and extremely happy to read yr comments here for the very first time.

the past one week with u in kl was fantastic. time really fly and well... as much as i wanted to stay, we both know its impposible.

see u in x'mas.....

Back to kl......

I know i have not been blogging much these days... as much as i wanted to so, i just felt that there's nothing interesting or even anything amazing happening to my life here in Borneo. Everytime i wanted to blog, i am just lost for words or even stories to write. sorry guys !!! .... I have nothing worthwhile to write about my life at the moment.

I went back to KL last week and i must say that it was the happiest week i've gone through since my transfer. i was really glad to be able to see my darling again. Everything in KL seems to be so beautiful though i've only been away for like 3 weeks.

I had a mix feeling when my boss called me up asking me to be back for a meeting and get some matters done over in KL office. i was thrilled at first but deep inside me, i never really wanted to go home as yet. after being here for the past 3 weeks, i am starting to get so accustomed to my life here. i must admit that i have fitted and settled down here more than what i've expected it to be. i nkow for sure that if i were to go back, i'll have to start all over again once i am back to Borneo..... that's why i wasn't really excited about my trip back to kl. The only excitement for me was to be able to see my darling once again!!

World Aids Day - I care, do you ?

It's World Aids Day today... this day is officially declare in 1988 in order to raise awareness, and to fight prejudice to those people living with AIDS.

.....and it reminds me of one of my very dear friend who is diagnosed with AIDS, which changes his lives dramatically. Whenever I think of this friend of mine, I think of a person with enormous strength. Despite having to endure a future of so much pain, he is even stronger than anyone of us out there, trust me !!

Let me ask, how would you feel when your good friend tells you he is HIV positive ? I remembered my first reaction was sad and shocked, and then don't know what to say - I think to myself, ohmygod, he's going to die. but then I realise, everyone, be it HIV positive or not, will eventually going to die too. I guess, that's why we never really discriminated or even treated him awkwardly. If he had never told me that he was infected, I think I would have gone away none the wiser.

So, on this day, please do take some time out to remember and to reflect on the suffering caused by AIDS. WE are all affected by it, much more than we think. So, lets pray and reach out together. Start to share some responsibilitites and think of what it would be like to be a "People Living WIth Aids" and hopefully, our heart will open!!